Maybe I'm just losing my mind

It's the first time I ever wanted someone to die...

Starting of myself... My life's a mess, but that's about that...

Then, my so called friend ****. My life has gotten to worse and worse and she's not helping with her conplains about her X-mas presents that she would want but can't have. She just doesn't understand that I have bigger problems in my own life, than her chritsmas angst.
She said her parents make her pay for her presents by herself and she's pissed of 'cause of that. For gods sake! I have barely enough money to pay the rent for my apartment. She's still living at her parents so I don't even expect her to understand that... She's just a whining little baby.

She might read this but I don't care. She's so naive I bet she wouldn't even realize it's her I'm talking about.
So here's to you my "friend": Fuck off and die!





Phew... Sure does feel good to get that out of my system.

Nothing to say but...

That's all.

Game

Let's play a game.
The game is called "Think with your own brain"

Here are the rules:
1. You can play the game with your friends or classmates.
2. To play this game, you might need a little drama. Game begins with a sentense. It can be anything by anyone, so it's always a bit different. This keeps the game challenging. Sentense has to be related to something you can have an opinion on.
3. Listen to other players opinions first. This is the time when you start thinking with your own brain. Don't let other players' opinions to effect your thinking. Stay quiet as long as possible. Answer only if someone asks.
4. Don't let other players opinions change yours. Stay with your own conclution.
5. Winner is the player (hope it's you) who doesn't change his/her opinion even once during the game.

Sounds pretty easy, huh? Try it, it's really harder than you think.

Create a Style

Olen tässä vähän yrittänyt luoda itselleni jonkun sortin punk-tyyliä.
En nyt aio muuttaa tätä miksikään muotiblogiksi mutta ajattelin nyt (Yazzzminin suostuttelemana) vähän valaista miten tällainen punk-tyyli luodaan. (Tai jotain...) Ei ole hankalaa.

Tämän näköisenä minä olin tänään liikkeellä. Tämän lookin sai aikaan valkoinen T-paita, joka oli minun tapauksessani kuvioitu. Muun värinenkin paita tai toppi käy. Verkkopaita, jonka löysin kirpputorilta ja vanhat farkut. Tuunasin farkkuja hieman tekemällä muutaman reiän reiden kohdalle. Sakset on hyvä apuväline mutta minä käytin ratkojaa. Sillä saa heti revenneen näköisen reunan. Alle punaiset (tai jonkin muun väriset, huomiota herättävät) sukkahousut. Koska ulkona on jo kylmä, leikkasin vanhasta bolerosta hihat irti ja kiinnitin hakaneuloilla T-paitaan. Sitten lisäämään asusteita oman mielen mukaan! Minulla oli muutama sormus ja niittivyö. Laitoin myös housun lahkeisiin muutaman hakaneulan koristeeksi. Muista näyttävä meikki! :) Ja voilá! Siinä se nyt noin suurinpiirtein. Oliko vaikeaa?

Mitäs muuta..? Niin joo, oltiin tänään vähän shoppailemassa Turussa. Oltiin jollain opintoretkellä luokan kanssa mutta kaikkia kiinnosti vaan se shoppailu sen jälkeen. xD

Anygays...

Ostin vähän lisää punk-asusteita: Yhden ihanan sormuksen, korvakorut - ear-cuff vai miten se nyt kirjotettiin, ja punaiset verkkokäsineet.

Ja suklaata...

Totesin että sitä korvakorua voi käyttää sekä korvassa että huulessa! ;D Siinä on siis sellainen ketju ja sen päässä sellanen juttu mikä menee sillai... Vttu...tässä pari kuvaa koska olen paska selittämään:

Huulessa...

...ja korvassa.

Ja se sormus: se on sellainen sormen ympärille kietoutunut käärme, joka menee toisen sormen yli ja puree kolmatta! Love it! ~~

Picture here:

Että näin. Nyt ei jaksa selittää samaa englanniksi. Jos joku ei ymmärrä niin sitte rupeen tulkkaamaan, mutten mie muuten. (If someone doesn't understand what is this about, I will translate.)

En edes tiedä lukeeko tätään kukaan ulkomaalainen... Oh well.

Ai nii ja miun äiti ei ainakaan tykkää tästä miun uudesta tyylistä että siihen vanhempien vastarintaan kannattaa varautua jos tällaista tyyliä lähee rakentamaan...

Peace out.

Care

I'm thinking about you.
When was the last time we spoke face to face?
When was the last time we laughed together?
When did I stop caring about you?
When did I stop being sarcastic?
When did I stop loving you?

I don't know.

I can see your face in front of me.
I can no longer see you smile.
I cannot see you crying.
I see no expression at all.
Have you become emotionless or have I stopped caring what you feel?

I'm not thinking anything bad for you. Thou I'm not thinking good either.
When will be the next time we see each other? What will yuo do then?
Will you turn away? Will you run?
Or will you face me as we'd never even met?
I know what I'll do.
I will greet you with a smile and if you let me, I'll hug you. Not hold you, just give you a friendly hug. Then look you in the eyes and smile again.
Then I can walk away for good. And never look back. There's nothing to say anymore. Nothing to do.
We have both moved on in our seperate paths.

If you wanna know, I'm doing great.
And I couldn't care less how you're doing.

Future

You may think, your life sucks.
You may think, you have no-one you can trust or talk to.
You may think, no-one understands how you feel.
You may think, no-one cares.
You may think, you have no friends.
You may think, you have no reason to go on.

Now;
Think again.
You're alive. That alone is reason enough.
You don't need anyone to tell you how to live. You're the Leader of your life.
Don't give up on your dreams just because someone said you can't reach them. You just need to reach little bit further.
If people don't care about you, don't care about them. They're not worthy to be your friends.
Look forward. Can you see it?

Your future awaits you.

Someone, please, kill me now

En muista koska oon viimeks ollu näin angsti.

Itkin eilen illalla melkein tunnin syystä X jota en nyt tässä rupea selittelemään. Ei kuulu muille. Ja sitten menin taas tekemään jotain tyhmää...
Mulla ei oo rahaa tehdä yhtään mitään tai mennä mihinkään joten istun vaan kotona ja masennun yksinäni. Kaikki kaverit on joko töissä tai kipeenä tai asuu jossain monen sadan kilometrin päässä. Ei kiinnosta tehdä mitään. Jokainen kappale mitä kuuntelen, alkaa itkettää. Vittu...

Mä en jaksa.
Meen ulos juoksemaan ympyrää sateeseen.

Fuck off, biyach

I feel betrayed.

Do you remember, when you used to say "I love you forever" and that you'll never be happy without me. You made me feel guilty even thou I had done nothing wrong. Now I see I don't have to.

You're the one who said to me that I lied to you. But it appears I wasn't the only one. You also lied to me. When you said you can't be happy ever again and that you would spend the rest of your life alone and lonely, I told you we could try again in few years. You said you'd wait. I believed that. And that's where you lied.
I found out one or two days ago that you have a new one. And I wanna be happy for you, but I can't. Not in this case. Judging from her pictures, you two were together not too long after we had broke up. Less than a week.

And that's where you're a bitch.
I don't hate you. I just won't even try to be your friend anymore.
You may say that I ruined your life, but you ruined mine too. So I quess we're even.

It seems it would've been better if we never met each other.

Stupid

I thought we had reached an agreement. I thought you understood my reasons.
Now I got to hear that, apparently, you hate me. I just wish you could've said it straight to my face. I'm very dissapointed in you. I may be repeating myself but I did nothing wrong. Some day you'll understand, I'm sure of it.

If not then you are just stupid.

"Love"

Two years ago, I told everyone I don't believe in love. Back then no-one believed that. I quess I didn't either. But at some point I started to believe my own words and "love" was nothing more than a word to me.
Everywhere I went I saw couples kissing and holding each other. I had no-one. I didn't need no-one. I thought to myself: "Fools". But that's only what I wanted to think.
Deeb inside I still secretly beleived, that somewhere, maybe, there's someone for me to.

This year, I thought I found the one for me. I was finally "in love". Or so I thought... All I wanted, was to hold her near me and make her feel safe. I wanted to protect her. But in the end, I was the one doing the most harm on her, for not loving her for real. I was the one she needed to be protected from.

Today, I can finally say it out loud, without lying. I don't believe in "love". But I do believe, that there is such emotion, that makes you care for someone over everything else. It's hard to find, and even harder to maintain. If you have found such emotion, hold on to it.

For I couldn't. And therefore it is forbidden from me. Forever.

Last words to You

I used to care about you. A lot. And I know you cared for me to.
That's why I'm confused now that I hear what you've been talking about me.
I did nothing wrong, so why bo you hate me so?
You asked me to be honest, I was. Yet, you're still not satisfied? Did you not like the real me?
You can keep blaming me about everything, I don't care. You're only fooling yourself.

It's not my fault if you're too innocent to handle little hardship. Life is not always so smooth and not everything goes the way you want it to.
"I didn't say anything 'cause I didn't wan't us to have any reason to fight. I wanted everything to be OK." That's what you kept saying. But it's not OK if you are bothered by something. It's not OK if you can't talk to me. It's not OK, if you can't trust me.

You can keep on crying and blaming me for it.
I'm not gonna waste my life thinking where did we go wrong.

Trust me this one time. It's better this way.
For the both of us.

Uusi blogi

Ja kukaan ei lue.





i eat shit and i write about it t: jasmin

Peace out