The voices in my head keep telling me...

I feel like dying

I never feel happy with my reflection
it's as if it keeps mocking me
every day for the rest of my life
unless I do something about it

Ugly...

I just ran two rounds around the sports stadium
I was suposed to run five
I feel like a failure

Fat...

My friends are the most amazing people in my life
and the most beautiful in my eyes
to me, they are perfect
I wish to be like them

Misfit...

My mom expects a lot of me
I've always tried to keep up to her expectations
and for what reason?
so I could feel less and less of myself
for not living life the way I want

Useless...

I've hurt my self more than is healthy
I've cut my arms just to feel the pain
and to know that I'm alive

Cry Baby...

I want people to notice me
yet not to pay too much attention to me
I just want to belong

Drama Queen...

I feel like I'm talking to empty walls
nobody's listening
I hate my life
I'm ready to give up

Never Good Enough..!

Humans = Plants

There are lots and lots of bad things in the world
There's not much anyone can do about that

Shit happens
and will happen
All we can do
is try to hang in there.

Everyone has some times when they wish
they could forget something they've done
or something that someone's done to them.

But in reality
you don't need to forget.
You just have to push those things aside
until you're strong enough
to deal with them
and face them head on.

Hardships make us grow as human.
If your whole life would be
dancing on roses
you'd never really appreciate the good times
and you'd never grow much of a character.

For humans are like plants;
they need lots of love and care,
basic nutritions and water,
but they grow better
after you throw a bag of shit at them.

My Sadistic way of Love

Do you know the feeling
when you love someone so much
that you start to hate them?

I feel that way towards you.

I can't stand you
but at the same time
I want to hold you close
and tell everyone that you are mine.

But I can't,
for you are not mine.
Maybe I could have you if I told you
"I want you"

But I won't,
because I hate you.
I want to beat you up until you can't breath.
I want to break you apart,
so I could heal you up again
and love you after I do.

You have ruined me,
for making me fall in love with you.
For that I hate you.

I don't want anyone else to touch you.
I want to kill you
so I could have you all for myself...

Forever...

Love or Hate?

Do you believe in love?
If you don't, can you fall in love?
Will love follow you, even if you give it up?

Do you love?
If you do, do you hide it?
Why?
Does love need to be hidden?
Is your love forbidden?

Do you fear love?
What are you afraid of?
Why is it so terrifying?

Is it really love you fear...
...or loss?


Do you believe in anger?
If you don't, can you still get angry?
Can people hate you, even if you don't believe in it?

Do you hate?
If you do, what do you hate exactly?
Do you need the hatered?
Are you mad all the time?
Why?

Are you hated?
Do you hate the world...
...or does it feel like the world hates you?

If you hate the world...
...the world will only reflect your own emotions.

Doll

"Anyone out there?
 Can you hear me?
 Hello..?"

There's a white figure in the corner, reclined to the wall...
 A dark-red, frilly dress is ripped apart, it's barely keeping it's place.
 She looks as if she's hurt, but there is no blood.

"Can someone help me?
 Please?
 I won't hurt you,
 someone just, please, help me get up..."

Her knees look weird, twisted. Kinda of place.
 There is no way she could ever stand again.
 Nor walk.
 Her eyes look empty.
 She's been crying for long, till she no longer had tears to shed.

"Is anyone out there?
 Please, help me..!
 I'm so cold...
 I don't want to be alone... please..."

Her eyes close.
 I can no longer hear her moving.
 She's stopped breathing. Or did she ever take even a breath?
 She falls to the floor. Clattering...

Shattered, she lies on the floor.
 Her left hand is parted from the rest of the body.
 There are cracks all over her beautiful face.
 She is broken and beyond repair...

Who's to blame?
Who broke her apart?

Live and let die

Life is a wavering subject.
You never really understand it's value before it's too late.
Before you've lost part of it.
Before someone has lost theirs...

You can't change what's already happened.
All you can do, is keep on going
and not waste you own given time.

Because that time, although granted to you, is limited.

We never know beforehand how much time we have,
but we can decide how are we gonna spent it.
We cannot make the given time any longer than it is,
but if we are stupid enough,
by making the wrong choices, we can shorten it,
or even end it, before it is meant to end.

How will you spent your given time?

Direct from real life

I'm trying to keep my spirits up,
But I can't help but fall apart.

I've cut my arms once again.
It's as if I can't get enough pain from my life otherwise.
The bulimia's back.
I don't want it, but I can't help it.

Most of my friends don't understand the pain I'm going trough.
Some of them are trying to understand.
But only those, who have had the same experienses
really feel what I feel.
Why can't I have more friends like that?

My parents don't even know what I'm doing to myself.
I'm afraid to tell.
Maybe they will never find out.
Maybe it's better they don't.

Life

Everyone must have some times when they feel
like no-one understands them.
I feel like that way too often.

I don't really know what I want with my life,
but I surely know,
that this is not it.

Sometimes I think I'm just living a dream.
My dream has been slowly turning into a nightmare,
wich from I just can't wake up.

Too much drama.
I don't want it.
I don't know how to deal with it.

Please,
someone just end this.
Put a gun to my head and stop me from thinking anymore.
I hate these thoughts:
"I don't wanna live this life"

I'm alive

You did it again.
Having fun?
I believe you must feel pretty superior right now.
You're just enjoying this aren't you?
It's as if you exist only to ruin my life.
You just want me to live miserably and die unhappy.

Have it your way then.

But for your information; I'm here just to ruin your life too.
Does that make us even?
No, it doesn't.
As much as you try to ruin my life, I won't do anything to mess with yours.
'Cause I know, that only my existance is hindrance to you.
So only to tease you, and to make you mad,
I'm not gonna die on you just yet.
I'm gonna live, and show you.
I will show you that you have no control what so ever of my life.

We'll see who has the last laugh...

Look at me

Look at me.
Tell me what you see.

Do you see how I appear on the outside?
Happy and cheerful.
A girl with beautiful smile and body better than average.

Or do you see how I feel on the inside?
Insecure of ones body and looks.
Afraid and lonely. Full of invisble pain.

Things are never quite what they seem.
We think we see the world around us
but we really only see the outside,
what it seems to be.

Now
look at me again.
Tell me what you see...